The possessed coke can and the end of history

Listen, you and I live in a world where a celebrity personal trainer has bought an allegedly possessed coke can on eBay for $212.50 which he will keep under his desk until he can find out how to use it as force for good.

On the planet where we live there are celebrity personal trainers, people getting surgically attached eyeball jewellery, dvd's for parrots, 3 billion people living on less than $2 a day, sex offenders being tracked around tesco's by the government and japanese lunches with kitten faces.

Voltaire was allegedly the last man alive who had a comprehensive understanding of everything there was to know and after that the world of knowledge grew too large and complicated to be understood by a single man.

Now I can't hold these six facts in my head without getting dizzy.