The bizarre life of an FHM staff writer

FHM magazine is selling a seven foot high picture of Kelly Brook. They write "FHM requests no sniffing, no cutting out the eyes to spy on people, no using it as a giant sled." The value they put on this auction is captured in their username: fhm_sells_crap. Though this name has just been changed from the more prosaic leecoan.

If you then google "lee coan" +fhm (i'm starting to reveal the magic that goes into putting rummaging together) then you get this article about a disgruntled witch and their dealings with FHM. Mr Coan has been asked to check that there isn't a curse on his air conditioning.

Can you imagine the sort of life Lee Coan leads? From these examples, he seems to live an entirely random life, bouncing around at the whim of his angry, capricious, coke-addled editors. They seem to be an unholy mix of Henry the Eighth, Janet Street Porter and Kelvin McKenzie.

It seems poor Lee can barely get through the door before they start barking their oddball requests. "Coan , phone up that witch and ask if she cursed us", "Coan, put that giant picture of Kelly Brook on eBay before I set fire to it", "Coan, wear this jesters uniform and interview Ricky Gervais", "Coan, go and have an enema" etc etc etc.

It's like some twisted form of slavery. For £14,000 a year, poor Lee Coan has to be someone's indentured monkey. Can we start a campaign to have him freed?